Have you ever noticed how similar your local Congressman’s quotes are to those of your local neighborhood serial killer? Probably not, but that’s what we’re here for (Well, that and finding out what’s in Qaddafi’s day planner). After looking at a bunch of quotes from both groups, we realized that it’s tough to tell just who said what, so we decided to come up with a little game for you. Below, we give you a few sets of quotes and you can try to guess which one was said by a Congressman and which was said by a serial killer. Scroll down to the bottom of the post to see the answers. Good luck and if you get them all right you will be rewarded with a really awkward political hug!
ROUND 1:
Quote A: “I should have gone to college and gone into real estate and got myself an aquarium, that’s what I should have done.”
Quote B: “Remember the words of Chairman Mao: ‘It’s always darkest before it’s totally black.’”
ROUND 2:
Quote A: “I look at the Scripture and I read it and I take it for what it is. I give more credence in the Scripture as being kind of a timeless word of God to mankind, and I take it for what it is. And I don’t think I give as much credence to my own mind, because I see myself as being very limited and very flawed, and lacking in knowledge, and wisdom and understanding. So, I just take the Bible for what it is, I guess, and recognize that I am not a scientist, not trained to be a scientist. I’m not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I’m not a scientist.”
Quote B: “People don’t know me. They think they do, but they don’t.”
ROUND 3:
Quote A: “Satan gets into people and makes them do things they don’t want to.”
Quote B: “Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they’ll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that’s happened to us?”
ROUND 4:
Quote A: “I’ve flown an airplane over this city with a 20mm Gatling gun. I could’ve disintegrated this whole school in half a second. I’ve never committed a crime with a weapon.”
Quote B: “Just because you’re convicted in a court room doesn’t mean you’re guilty of something.”
ROUND 5:
Quote A: “…concealing such a central part of your life is hellish. I became increasingly jealous of the people who were out. [Closeted] was a ridiculous way to live.“
Quote B: “I haven’t blocked out the past. I wouldn’t trade the person I am, or what I’ve done, or the people I’ve known – for anything. So I do think about it. And at times it’s a rather mellow trip to lay back and remember.“
ROUND 1 ANSWERS:
Obviously, anyone that quotes a mass murderer like Chairman Mao has probably hacked up a few hookers in his time, right? Wrong! The second quote is actually from Senator John McCain and the first quote is from the absolute world’s worst cook, Jeffrey Dahmer.
ROUND 2 ANSWERS:
The second quote sounds short and reasonable, right? The first quote sounds like it could’ve come from Buffalo Bill in some lost scene from “Silence of the Lambs,” right? Sadly, the first quote is actually Senator Michelle Bachman who would like to remind us all, she’s no rocket scientist. The second quote is from Andrew Cunanan who killed five people, including Gianni Versace. Thanks for ruining fashion, douchebag. We’re talking to you, Michelle.
ROUND 3 ANSWERS:
Religious nutbag or homophobe? Much like the presidential election, there’s no good choice here. The first quote is from Herbert Mullin who killed 13 people in California during the 70′s and the second quote is from Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma. We’re surprised he lives in a state that’s only one letter away from being gay.
ROUND 4 ANSWERS:
This is a tough one because both guys are in jail and neither one would make a good dinner guest. You’d think the guy threatening to destroy a school was in jail for multiple murder, but no, that quote is from former Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham, currently serving time for taking bribes. The other quote that sounds like it’s from your lawyer is actually from Charles “The Beatles are really mad at me” Manson.
ROUND 5 ANSWERS:
One of these people is a liberal from Massachusetts and surprisingly it’s not the person that said “mellow trip.” The first quote is from Congressman Barney Frank who, to our knowledge, has never killed anybody. The second is from a guy known for being mellow, Ted Bundy.
Posted by Tony DiGerolamo, who wonders if a screenplay about a serial killer member of Congress would be funny or depressing and if Michelle Bachman can act.
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