Conspiracy theorist aren’t all just homeless guys that scream at fire hydrants, some can still afford a computer. Whether they wear a hat made of tinfoil or host the Glenn Beck show, you can be sure that their batsh*t craziness has been boiled down into something that sounds logical even when you’re on your meds. So here now are the 10 Craziest Conspiracy Theories.
10. There were bombs in the World Trade Center.
Who knew that the employees going to work there were walking past giant oil cans labeled “TNT” and “Boom!”? Allegedly the whole placed looked like the inside of Wile E. Coyote’s storage shack. Good thing this was debunked.
9. Barack Obama is racist.
Yeah, a half black guy is the perfect KKK candidate. Each morning he could wake up, get a cup of coffee and lynch half himself. It’s a good thing he doesn’t ride the bus, though, he would have a helluva time telling himself where to sit.
8. The Pentagon bombing was an inside job.
Hey, that was good timing. Something like that just happened in New York! What are the odds?!
7. Illuminati bloodlines run in England’s Royal Family.
Newsflash: Princes Charles’ sons look like him! Geez, your tinfoil hat must be on very tight today. Do you think the Bushes are Illuminati too? Yeah, inbred dumbasses are just so good at keeping secrets.
6. The moon landing was a hoax.
C’mon, hoaxsters, this was clearly debunked on “Futurama.” Considering that we’re only two decades away before busloads of tourists from Georgia will go there, we think these old school crackpots should get with the times and jump on the “Aliens control the world” conspiracy.
5. Gray aliens control the world.
These guys always like to use phrases like, “my human coworkers.” We wonder if they use that phrase in every day life: “Honey, I’m going down to the human drycleaners. Make sure our human children get lunch made by you, a human wife.”
4. The JFK Assassination was produced by Disney.
It was Goofy on the grassy knoll. We knew it!
3. There’s a real New World Order.
Sadly, this does not refer to that song by Ministry. Didn’t you know Free Masons run the country? Watch them draw on money to prove it.
2. We’re all wrong about JFK. Penn and Teller debunk the tragedy.
We needed to give equal time, after all, if you believe the rest of this list you need something to question. We’re skeptical about this one. You mean they actually gave a TV show to two magicians?
1. Reptoids control the planet.
Unlike the rest of the list, this makes perfect sense. For even more incredibly plausible theories, visit the Reptoid Research Center. You know its authentic because it has the word “reptoid” in the title.
Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory, except for President Obama. Watch as Obama debunks the Birther Conspiracy, Do you think there is a “Super Sweet 16″ super secret conspiracy? We do.
Posted by Tony DiGerolamo, from his Reptoid base beneath the grassy knoll.
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