Since news outlets have abdicated their responsibility for investigative journalism long ago, we here at Comedy.com have decided to do some digging. And when we say “digging,” we mean spending 10 minutes googling “Rat F*rts” and our own names. But today we actually googled how your tax dollars are being wasted, and discovered these five recent examples of the way Uncle Sam is spending our money.
1. Kansas City Hires “Moving Consultants” Instead Of Renting U-Hauls
In another example of how the government screws up everything except covering its own *ss, KC is paying $300K to “consultants” to tell the city how to move the ambulance system to City Hall. Yeah, it can be so hard to put stuff in boxes and rent a Ryder truck. We realize people in Kansas don’t believe in evolution, but we thought they believed in U-Haul.
2. The Federal Goverment Pays For A Park In Some Mississippi Town You’ll Never Visit
The Senate Transportation Bill has more pork than last weekend’s BBQ. Amongst the provisions: $500K to build a beach park in Pascagoula, MS, a city of 23,000 people. Do you really need to build a park when you already have a beach to lie on? Isn’t a beach sort of already a park? For about $22 a piece, the residents could buy the park themselves, but hey, we got stimulus money to move, right? Plus, it’s not like Mississippi has any other problems.
3. Nobody Wants To Eat “The Other White Meat,” So The Government Bought $30 Million Worth Of It
Speaking of pork, did you know that the government paid the ailing Pork industry $30 million to boost prices? Yeah, nothing gets us to spend money on something like making the price go up. And since when is the Pork Industry ailing? Have you seen the fatties not walking around?
4. New York Gives The Poor Money For School Supplies, But Forgets To Tell Them It’s Not For TVs and iPods
The Governor of New York decided to use part of his stimulus money to help poor families buy their kids school supplies, except no one told the families until after they gave them the money. Flush with cash, welfare recipients went on a buying spree figuring they should spend it before the “mistake” was discovered. New York officials still had the gall to defend the action saying it didn’t matter where the money was spent, any spending was stimulus. Great! Hey Governor, can you spare $140 million to us? We promise to spend it!
5. Louisville Spends $5,000 On A Website To Let You See How They’re Wasting Your Money
Apparently, no one in Kentucky understands what the word “boondoggle” means. Two Republican Councilmen are building a website that will monitor where the local money goes at a cost of $5000 to the tax payers. Of course, for some reason, that’s not good enough, so the Dems are building one too, which will no doubt cost money. Oh, good! $10K pissed away on something that anyone’s nephew could’ve built in an afternoon using Dreamweaver. We hope you will at least put a masturbating Jesus on the front page, it’s what you’re doing to the taxpayers anyway.
Posted by Tony DiGerolamo, who is still waiting for his government handjob.
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