Although we were saddened to hear of Edward “Teddy” Kennedy’s death, we are delighted to pay tribute to a man who is undoubtedly the greatest Senator of the twentieth century. Kennedy was feared and respected by Republicans, adored and admired by Democrats and Independents thought he was a pretty cool dude. In short, he was American royalty. We feel it is a title that he not only was born with, but earned by kicking ass and taking names for almost 50 years in the U.S. Senate.
Kennedy’s accomplishments are almost too many to count, but we’ve narrowed it down to, what we at Comedy.com feel, are Ted Kennedy’s 5 Greatest Accomplishments.
5. Endorses Barack Obama And Makes Hillary Cry
During the 2008 Democratic Primary, Kennedy endorsed then Senator Barack Obama, over the favorite Hillary Clinton. That was the nail in the coffin for old Hillary, and she knew it. Kennedy was the boss of the Democratic party. It was the political equivalent of being “made” by Vito Corleone (the one from the Godfather, not us).
4. Snubs Jimmy Carter At 1980 Democratic Convention
In 1980, Kennedy lost the nomination to Jimmy Carter. Carter approached Kennedy at the 1980 Convention and extended his hand. Kennedy looked at him for a minute and turned his back. (In front of a crowd of 6000 people and television cameras!) Why you may ask? Because Carter was a peanut farming, country bumpkin pussy who went on to lose the election to Ronald Reagan. We should have went with Teddy.
3. Survives Plane Crash
In June 1964, on a flight from Washington D.C. to Massachusetts, the Senator’s plane crashed due to bad weather. Look at what a tangled mess that plane is and he survived! This guy is frickin’ Superman. He broke his back, punctured his lung, and spent 10 months in the hospital, but the incident did give him distinguished honor of being the only Kennedy to survive a plane crash. His brother Joe Jr., his nephew John Jr. and his sister Kathleen all died in plane crashes. Our apologies if we left anyone out.
2. Got Kicked Out Of Harvard For Cheating On A Test
Between boozing, chasing women and playing football for the Crimson, Teddy had little time for studying. He had a friend take a Spanish test for him which resulted in them getting busted and expelled. Teddy didn’t care, he said screw you Harvard and joined the Army. We can’t believe Harvard expels students for cheating. If all schools did that, none of us at Comedy.com would have made it past junior high.
1. Gave Best Eulogy Of All Time At Robert Kennedy’s Funeral
It’s kind of long but worth it, especially the last minute.
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