We at Comedy.com understand a slow news day as well as anyone. That’s why we post so many videos of people getting hit in the nuts. However we expect a little more out of the real media. There are a lot of important stories that are not being covered, and the American public is suffering as a result. Most people can name off Brangelina’s kids faster than they can name their own state capital. So, before we become a nation of complete idiots, we would like to ask the media to no longer cover the 6 Stories That The News Should Blow Off…
6. Michelle Obama’s Pants
We don’t want to tell the press how to do their job, but on behalf of the American people, we just want them to know that no one gives a crap what kind of pants the First Lady is wearing. Okay, if she’s parading down Pennsylvania Avenue in M.C. Hammer pants or digging in the Rose Garden wearing ass-less chaps, by all means report. Anything short of that, don’t wake us.
5. Who Jon Gosselin Is Boning And How Kate Is Dealing With It
They already have a reality show. Anyone interested in the mundane goings on at the Gosselin household can just watch the program! There are already cameras at their house 24 hours a day but somehow the media feels they deserve more coverage.
4. Space Shuttle Launches
Hey NASA, learning all the different way that astronauts can reuse their own urine is neat. Just call us when you find aliens. That’s what we’re paying you for.
3. When A Baby Elephant Is Born At The Zoo
What are we supposed to do with this information? Should we send a Hallmark card to the zookeeper? The only thing we want to hear about elephants is when one goes crazy and tramples someone to death.
2. Speculation On Who Might Be Voted Off Dancing With The Stars
There are two wars, a global recession, a health care debacle etc… basically things more important than Adam Corolla doing the Fox Trot.
1. How Local Yocal Is Dealing With Inclement Weather
The following scenario plays out on local news at least ten times per winter:
Reporter: So what steps are you taking to deal with the cold?
Local Yocal: Um… I’m just gonna wear my winter coat. It’s pretty warm.
Reporter: Great! (to camera) Back to you, Phil.
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