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Seven Things President Obama Wants For His Birthday

Barack Obama turns 48 today and it poses the question: What do you get the man who has everything for his birthday? The President is a a man of the people and it was not surprising for us to learn that his wish list is very simple. Here are the top six things he wants…

7. A sweet tattoo

Obama’s Ivy League education has cost him some street cred but a little ink could take care of that.
6. Chia Obama
The Chia Obama caused a lot of controversy when it came out but the President privately has stated that he was very flattered. Who wouldn’t be? We’d get a gigantic one and plant it right in the middle of the Rose Garden.

5. A nacho machine for Air Force One

A private 747 Jumbo Jet is nothing without a Nacho Machine. Without one, in order to quench a late night nacho craving Air Force One would be forced to land in a 7-11 parking lot.

4. Socks and Underwear

We were a bit surprised by this one at first but it makes sense when you think about it. People want to get the President something special that he’ll remember but no one ever gets him the little necessities like socks and underwear but that’s what he needs more than anything. It’s not as if he can just run out to Wal-Mart and pick some up.

3. Jared from Subway to get fat again

The reasons are a mystery but the President reportedly has had a long standing “beef” with the fast food spokesman. He has even considered having Jared “marginalized” by the CIA.

2. Cubs hat

Early in his career Obama lived on the South side of Chicago and had to pretend to be a White Sox fan but it was purely for political reasons. Obama has secretly confessed to friends that he is a die-hard Cubbies fan.

1. The Birthers to get off his nuts!

We don’t know where these Birthers get off saying that Obama is not American. What the hell is more American than being PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?

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