New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has implemented a plan to rid his fair city of the homeless. He’s buying them one way tickets to other cities, some as far away as Paris and South Africa. Bloomberg says that the program is working, citing the statistic that not one homeless person sent abroad has returned to a NYC shelter.
No sh*t Bloomberg! How the hell is a hobo going to afford to get back from Paris? Are they supposed to float across the Atlantic on a bag of aluminum cans?
We have a better idea Mr. Bloomberg. Let them live in the Statue of Liberty.
It’s clearly stated right on the bottom: Give us your tired, your poor, your something something yearning to breathe free. And why not? There’s plenty of room in there. You could install a bathroom in her forehead so when they do their “business”, poop will fall out of her nose. It’ll be an awesome tourist attraction!
“Look at all the poo on her chest!” the children would shout. You wouldn’t even have to install a shower. They could bathe in that cesspool you call the East River.
The truth, Mr. Bloomberg, is that people don’t go to New York to see a Broadway show or to chat with the surly cab drivers; they come for the bums. NYC bums are among the most vibrant and eccentric in all the world. They are the city’s most prized asset. Cherish them, do not shun them.
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