After visiting a Denny’s in Virginia today, President Obama has decided to rethink his goals for America, stating that he “overestimated the American public” and before we can retake global leadership, “we must first stop eating six sausages and a pound of eggs covered in syrup for breakfast, and we must stop leaving the house in sweatpants.”
Eyewitnesses report that after Obama left the Denny’s, he was visibly shaken and has set to work outlining simpler milestones for the country, such as not spitting on the sidewalk and asking before you touch a woman’s breasts.
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