Portland Mayor Admits to Gay Sex With Teen

This story would be a lot more shocking if Portland mayor, Sam Adams, wasn’t openly gay and the ‘teen’ wasn’t eighteen.

Here’s the awesome part: The gay teen’s name is Beau Breedlove.

Why were you denying it, Sammy? That sounds more fake than ‘McLovin’. That could be the name of a gay superhero or like, gay porn James Bond or something. Plus, your name is Sam Adams. This is like an awesome-name, gay crime fighting duo.

Portland, by the way, is the largest U.S. city to have ever elected an openly gay mayor. Take that, Providence!